Nothing much going down... ladies.
I've just had my seven pm nap and whilst I was trying to get to sleep I was hit by the realisation that it would be so easy to regress into the pathetic guy who would be crying in the corner about now.
I just felt this tug at the corner of my mind, a little spark of thought that kept reminding me that if I just thought for a few seconds about the hopelessness of existence and how shit things were lately, I could be a gibbering wreck - unreachable and inconsolable.
Lately I've been thinking that my willpower is weak. I break out of things like polyphasic sleep and quitting caffeine whenever it gets even slightly hard. Having this sudden realisation, however, has shown me that I'm totally wrong.
It would probably be so comforting to give in to the dark side, go completely catatonic and get committed to some institution. I'd be taken care of; I wouldn't have to worry about things like bills, or jobs or the real world at all. I could just spend my days quietly weeping in a padded room. And that scenario is(whilst scary) slightly welcoming.
If I have the willpower to keep going with the day-to-day, and keep up the(sometimes tenuous) construct of my sanity, then I really have more willpower than I thought. And I really shouldn't beat myself up about failing the self-imposed challenges I set every day.
I hope this post doesn't make people think I'm a crazy person.