But it would be nice if it would, just once in a while.
Yesterday I went to Wareham to visit the family, steal some food, and attempt to sort out a pay error with Somerland. I've been running a little low on money(cash flow issues, I assure you) and just bought a cheap day return ticket from the machine. I like using the machine because I don't have to talk to anyone(hence no low voice to spoil things) but the machine will never give me the open return that I need to leave saturday, come back sunday. Not that I could have afforded one.
Going back today, I tried to buy a single to Southampton at Wareham station, but it looks like my Egg card(yes, I've seen the news; no, I'm not worried) has reached it's limit, and I couldn't afford the new ticket. Fine - I'd just dodge the fare. For the first time, I might add, in my two decades of existence.
As soon as the train left Wareham the guard appeared in my carriage asking for tickets from Wareham. I had very quickly divested myself of jacket and scarf and curled up in the seat, with a book close to my face and earbuds in. I looked settled, and he walked right past me. Nice.
I thought I was home free(literally), until we pulled into Sotton station and I remembered the ticket barriers. Argh. I tried my luck(pointless at this stage - looks like my luck ran out a fair while ago) but the barrier just spat the ticket out and wouldn't let me through. I took it to the lady manning the manual gate, because sometimes you can flash your ticket and they'll let you through. No dice - she took it out of my hand and told me it wasn't the right one. I acted confused and said that it should be an open return, but she simply told me to go to platform 4 and buy an upgrade.
I went to the loos(disabled ones required a key, so I got to go into the mens loos, which wasn't embarrassing at all) and tried to figure it out. I couldn't afford to buy an upgrade. There was no way past the ticket barriers. I looked around for a window to climb through - nothing.
I waited until another train arrived with a load of people, planning to blend in with the crowd and join the some of them who would go through the manual gate, but the guard saw me waiting on the platform, and would have been suspicious had I followed through. There are times when having conspicuous pink hair sucks. I'm totally switching back to blonde.
I went to the guard, explained my predicament(again adding the 'confused' bit in) and he seet about buying me an upgrade. I told him I wasn't sure the card would go through, and he said not to worry - the machine isn't hooked up to the bank. There were a couple minutes when it looked like it hadn't worked, but it was just a printing error. The transaction went through, putting my Egg into the red, and costing me a twelve pound overdrawal fee most likely, and I got my upgrade.
The guard yelled to the other guy standing by the gate to, quote, "Let the gentleman through" which made me wince as a group of youths nearby burst out laughing. I know I'll never see them again, most likely, but that was pretty humiliating.
So my dreams of committing the perfect crime were dashed. Almost any other station in the country and I'd have been fine, but stupid southampton has to have bloody barriers, doesn't it.
I blame Thatcher. I bloody do.