Transphobia in the media - 1
I have almost no idea who Ronaldo is - sources(the half-drunk idiots who litter the dorm hallways and yell about this kind of stuff) tell me that he's a football player, and a pretty important one. I don't really care what he gets up to.
I do, however, subscribe via RSS to the BBC News feed, and I very much care what the BBC has to say about things, because a lot of other people read BBC news too, and base their opinions on the information that BBC presents.
The BBC RSS feed was kind enough to tell me earlier that, apparently, Ronaldo bought some hookers in his native Brazil, found out they were transvestites once he got home, and claims to have subsequently been extorted by the aforementioned prostitutes.
Apparently, prostitution is not illegal in Brazil. It is, however, considered both illegal and immoral over here in England, where a lot of people apparently care about Ronaldo's private life(enough for there to be an article on a major news site about this whole shebang, anyway). Being a transvestite is neither illegal or immoral in the UK. Bearing that in mind, what do you think the headline for the article about Ronaldo's dealings with prostitutes be?
Well, apparently the BBC thinks the article should be titled "Ronaldo in transvestite scandal".
I'm aware that the BBC, like all news outlets, needs to deal in sensationalism to get by. They need to shock readers and grab attention. But you know what? "Ronaldo in prostitute scandal" would have been just as shocking - perhaps moreso considering that, in theory, being involved with prostitutes should be considered worse than being involved with transvestites.
By using the word 'transvestites' instead of 'prostitutes', the BBC is making a tacit supposition that trans people are 'worse' than sex workers. Which really isn't on - I don't want to beat this into the ground, but I think it bears re-itterating: being a transvestite is not illegal in the UK, being a prostitute is - being involved with one of these types of people should be considered a scandal, but the other should be considered not that big a deal.
Of course the majority of people still are afraid and confused by transvestites, and the majority of football fans will probably come to the conclusion that "Ronaldo accidentally paying men in drag for sex == Ronaldo almost catching 'gay'", but the BBC has a responsibility to not pander to those people, and to instead re-educate them by not pretending that the fact that transvestites were involved in this shambles is the most disgusting part of this story.
EDIT - Apparently I care so little about Ronaldo that I spelt his name wrong seven times. Now fixed, thanks to Leo for the tip-off.
30 April, 2008 - 00:31Comments (View)
Last Night's Dream
Okay, so I don't like to talk about dreams, or hear about them. I'm pretty adamant in my opinion that, like photographs, other people's dreams are boring unless you're in them.
Last night's dream was pretty horrible, though. In the dream I had about 24 hours left until I died. I have no idea how I was going to die - I have an inkling it may have been cancer or AIDS. Doesn't matter. I was using up the 24 hours by going round and saying goodbye to people, taking out loans and giving the money to those who could use it, general stuff I would do if I was dying for real.
I woke up just as the sun was rising, but I wasn't quite out of the dream yet. I still though I was going to die soon. And I thought "This is the last sunrise I'll ever see". And I started crying.
It took me a couple minutes to stop, and I realised that I had, indeed, been dreaming. That I was fine. I'm not dying anytime soon.
It shook me up a fair bit, though, as you'd expect I guess. It's good that it happened, though. I've been getting those short, sharp periods of depression lately where I've been afraid I'd do something silly. Waking up convinced I'm dying and crying at the loss of my future days is about as far away from thinking about suicide as it's possible to get, I think. So it's nice that that's balanced out.
27 April, 2008 - 20:11Comments (View)
Brought to Ohio two summers prior
So there's this word, 'diegogarcity'. It's the phenomenon of becoming aware of something and then suddenly seeing that thing pop up everywhere. Like when you think about buying a Ford Ka, and you start seeing it around alot. Or you start playing the 'yellow car' game and yellow cars are all you notice.
There are examples that don't involve cars. I promise.
When you first own up to your own transsexuality, a similar thing happens - you start 'seeing' transgender people everywhere. Or at least, you think you do. Most of the time they're just normal people, but the knowledge that at least 1 in 10,000 people suffer from gender dysphoria seeps in to your brain, and makes the odds of bumping into another tranny seem relatively high(even when they're not, really.) So you walk down the high street and start thinking "Hm... strong jawline, maaaaybe..." or "That moustache looks glued on. For sure. I think.
I've grown out of it, a little at least. It's a fun little game to play, really. Although I find that when I cycle down the street at super-speed, it's hard to see anyone long enough to 'tell'.
Yesterday, though. Yesterday I was headed through town centre and spotted a mtf(male to female) without a doubt. She clocked me, too(I'm kinda noticeable even without the incongruous gender presentation - blue hair and a giant, single wheel tend to make a gal stand out.) There was an odd moment when we locked eyes, and I tried to smile, but it was over too quickly for that, really. I was going too fast.
Which is fine, it's not like I'd have said anything if I'd been walking instead. But it's ... stuck with me. I've never before seen someone and known for sure that they were trans. It's an odd experience. I'm not quite sure what my feelings are.
26 April, 2008 - 23:40Comments (View)
They. Are. Back.
A childhood staple. Only 25p a pack, too.
20 April, 2008 - 22:58Comments (View)
Feeling hot, hot, hot.
One of the scariest things about going 'full-time' as a woman is the fear that you don't 'pass' - that people will easily clock you as genetically male. It's bad enough that this leads to use of wrong pronouns that make me uncomfortable, but since society hasn't really accepted transgender people you also have to deal with the stares, the value judgments.
When you're busy being worried about people being able to 'spot the difference', other things fade into the background - like attractiveness. For a while, I hadn't really given much thought to how appealing I look to someone who doesn't 'know'.
(And here's where it gets weird for the people that do know me, especially those who can't help but picture Kyle's face when they read stuff I write)
Lately I've become more aware of how... well... like the post-title says, how hot I am. Emily started the ball rolling by complimenting me on a few photos, then I started to pay attention to the little compliments I sometimes get from friends.
I started thinking about my body from an objective place, too. I'm tall, thin, with long legs(with superb calf muscles, thanks unicycling), good boobs(albeit fake), a nice(if small) bum(again, thanks uni-ing), good skin, exotic hair, a cute nose, expressive eyes... the list went on. I started feeling pretty good about myself.
And then...
Then Friday night happened. On Friday Lizz, Michaela and I went to a bar/club called the Dungeon(nicer than it sounds, really) where(after ditching my usual boring outfit for fishnets, short skirt and animal ears) I got chatted up. Like - a lot.
There's all sorts of factors I could attribute that to - the lighting, the inebriated state of the patrons, the loud music hiding my bad attempts at 'the voice', but I am choosing to believe(rightly, I think) that I got a lot of attention because I was one of the best-looking girls in the room.
Overshooting it? Arrogant?Well, maybe. But I don't give a crap, because feeling like a genuinely attractive person for the first time in my life is f*cking amazing. Seriously, they should bottle this feeling and sell it. And knowing that this is how great I look before hormones and (possible) facial feminization surgery? That's darn tootin' priceless.
And the feeling has lasted. I'm more confident when I walk sashay down the street now(especially today - sunny weather allowing for a lacy, strappy top). And the stares that used to drive me crazy with paranoia? I'm noticing that now they're the good kind of stares - guys' eyes going from boobs to face, then quickly away as they meet my eyes, heads turning to look at my arse, hell - I even get winks.
Those looks I used to get from other women? The ones that made we think "of course they know, they're real women"? Now they're the same looks that every other woman gets- the quick appraisal for boyfriend-threat-level, outfit-assessment type glares. It's f*cking great.
I don't know what happened - whether it's the new hair colour, or me getting better at make-up, or if Moses threw me a bone and spruced me up a bit(t'would explain the bum and cheekbones that came outta nowhere). Or it could be me just being more confident. Either way, I don't care.
Normal(meaning randomlolz) posts will resume. Apologies for this brief, arrogant, and possibly delusional interlude. As always, comments and rebuttals are welcomed at avery@averyedison.com.
20 April, 2008 - 22:21Comments (View)
The fine art of planning that first Facebook message
Biting satire.
17 April, 2008 - 21:16Comments (View)
Now that's a good picture.
At least, it'll look good at full size when I get around to uploading to flickr all goddamn 400 photos I've taken over that past two days.
17 April, 2008 - 08:12Comments (View)
Timmy
But Timmy can't breathe fire.
Timmy feels just like a dragon,
Timmy is no liar.
Timmy's wings don't work so good,
Well... they're not there at all.
His skin isn't green - it's black and white,
Just like a soccer ball.
Timmy's horns are different, too,
Though he has some, trust me there.
Dragons don't chew cud, or yell out 'Moo!'
But Timmy doesn't care.
See, Timmy is a cow, in fact,
But not in Timmy's mind.
He doesn't miss what his body lacks,
Like a scaly, green behind.
'Cos in Timmy's head, he soars up high,
His only friend the breeze.
In Timmy's head there's fire in the sky,
Whenever Timmy has a sneeze.
Because Timmy is a little dragon,
Though Timmy can't breathe fire.
Timmy feels just like a dragon,
And Timmy is no liar.
17 April, 2008 - 08:02Comments (View)
For Emily
Tips From a Tranny
How I do my eye make-up. 1100 words. Christ.
15 April, 2008 - 12:12Comments (View)
This Week in 'That's F*cked Up'
Okay - I get it. You feel marginalised in a class of 20(/21) guys and 3(/4) girls. Comedy is still very much a boy's club, and there can sometimes be a general attitude amongst some members that women simply can't be funny.
I get that you're angry about that, and you have a right to be. But taking it out on Bryn, one of the genuinely nicest people on the planet? Just because he made an offhand, semi-ironic, appropriate criticism of a comedienne whose work he has first-hand witnessed? That's f*cked up. You're attacking the wrong people. Go after the actual sexists.
As it is, because you did indeed yell at Bryn, you are no longer allowed to be angry about this. Which should be kind of a relief, right? I mean pro-active feminists used to throw themselves under horses, and chain themselves to railings - that's a lot to live up to. It'll really be a weight off your shoulders to be informed that what you did was f*cked up, and that you don't get to 'fight' this cause anymore.
Maybe you should take this time off to enjoy the many benefits that being young, white and attractive in a culture that absolutely loves young, white and attractive people offers you.
Maybe you can take this time off to look at the ladder, realise you're actually nowhere near the bottom rung, and get over yourself.
This has been 'This Week in 'That's F*cked Up''.
14 April, 2008 - 19:10Comments (View)
The 4 Amigos - Noughts and Crosses
14 April, 2008 - 17:52Comments (View)
Photoshop + Graph + Popular Social Networking Site = Funny
14 April, 2008 - 16:31Comments (View)
'Stuck'
Stuck - Take 2 from Avery Edison on Vimeo.
14 April, 2008 - 09:52Comments (View)
Project: Cabin Bed
I routinely get bored with my surroundings, and mix things up a bit. Last night, at around 4 in the morning I decided to move my room around. Pictures and, to some extent, details can be found by clicking the image above which will take you to the Flickr photo-set.
I've been pondering the re-arrangement of this room for some time, without a solution. Reading 'Lateral Thinking' last night, I came upon the solution. 'Lateral Thinking' recommends that sometimes you should take clearly wrong steps in logic in order to get to the solution to a problem. I took the wrong step of thinking "Okay, suppose I keep the bed in the hallway..."(not doable - shared living space) and worked from there. Once I had the room-minus-bed layout in my mind, I worked out where the bed could then fit.
Solution - on the wardrobe!
Tomorrow I shall no doubt post my experiences sleeping on it.
14 April, 2008 - 06:59Comments (View)
An open letter.
Dear Primark,
First off - I like what you're doing. Seriously, keep it up. T-Shirts for £1-50? Yes please!
But you totally need to work on your bags. I'm sick of them ripping in two when I'm half-way home. Sure, I throw my bike-lock in there sometimes, but that's not too heavy. Your bags should be designed to take that kind of punishment. What if I visited Primark and then spent two or three hours perusing other stores? You think the bag would hold up? I think not.
That's not customer satisfaction. At all.
But like I said - love what you're doing. Two bras for a fiver? I'll take seven!
Cheers,
Avery Edison, PHD (one day. probably.)
13 April, 2008 - 15:00Comments (View)
Because you demanded it!
Well, really because Becci demanded it. But still, that's a good reason too. Right?
So, anyway, a couple of weeks ago I posted Terrible Things Becci Walker Has Done(And Will Do Again If Given Half A Chance). I have since been informed that Becci has done absolutely nothing on that list.
Becci is a very nice person. I publicly(is it public if one only gets less than 100 regular visitors?) retract my
I say 'retract'. I'm not gonna take the page down or anything. I mean, that's stuff is funny as hell.
Seriously, though, Becci == All That Is Goodness and Light.
Except for the Hitler thing. She totally did that.
13 April, 2008 - 11:33Comments (View)
I got what I got all to spite you.
The above picture is a link to my Flickr page, where there's been a lot of activity recently. Why not check it out?
13 April, 2008 - 05:59Comments (View)
It's been a while.
11 April, 2008 - 14:17Comments (View)
I kid, I kid. Honestly.
EDIT: For those poor unfortunate souls who aren't on the 'Book - the 'profile pictures' album is a record of every single image you've used as your main picture. The more times you change that image, the more pics in the 'profile pics' album.
10 April, 2008 - 19:41Comments (View)
Usually, it's something like "Hey, cool!" or "That's fucked up"
Talking, of course, about the unicycle(which still doesn't have a name. Should I name it?). I much prefer the large wheel to my old(read: stolen) 24 inch, because it commands a certain degree of respect. The smaller the wheel, the quicker people are to jump to 'clown'. Riding a giant wheel around town appears to be at least slightly awe-inspiring, judging from the reactions of the general populace.
About 15 minutes ago, however, I got a different reaction. I was almost done with the 'town centre' stretch of my trip - about 100 metres from a certain toasted sandwich shop - when an elderly(eh, about 55-65, I'd say) yelled "Hey!" at me.
I turn my head, because he could be telling me something important, or nice. Instead, he follows up with "get off there, ya stupid bitch!"
Naturally, I ignore him and cycle on. I don't really understand why he yelled it, though. I only have one wheel, so am technically a pedestrian - there's nothing illegal about riding on the pavement, like I was. And it's not like I'm a danger to others - it's been over a year since I actually hit someone, and that was on a rainy day. And I only just grazed her handbag.
But he must have been really angry to yell an obscenity in public, on a crowded street. So what I was doing must have been really offensive to him.
Still, I can't stay too mad or bothered about the situation. Because he said 'bitch' and not 'bastard'.
10 April, 2008 - 17:50Comments (View)
The New Digs
I mentioned a few posts ago that I had become a little bored with this place, and that a redesign was in order. Heck, I even set aside time this weekend to slap some paint around.
I didn't do it this weekend, as some of you way have noticed earlier in the week. I did do it last night though - and here it is. Very blue, huh? I like blue. I have, in the past, mentioned that I am 'gay for the colour blue'. Well, true story.
The menu bar is pretty nifty now, or at least it should be - try it out, just click the 'menu' button. Hopefully it works across the board. In fact, I hope the whole design works across the board. I know it works on my Mac, in Firefox and Safari. But aside from that... I've been up all night, so...
The Wall has been removed, for a couple days at least - maybe more. It was all very exciting at first, but it's quickly become quite dead there(and it's a bitch to design for). If anyone has pressing comments that need my attention, feel free to e-mail me.
There it is.
09 April, 2008 - 07:29Comments (View)
Facebook is a special kind of torture.
Let's be clear - it's is going to be very obvious to certain people who exactly I am talking about in this post. I'm not going to name names, because that's out-and-out wrong, I feel. Still, this website is a place for me to air my dirty laundry in public, and I'm going to do so.
I get it: being a friend of mine and watching me go through this change is difficult. Many people can't get past who I used to be, can't understand what's happening and are scared. That's fine. It is weird. But right from the start I've been very open and available to answer questions, or talk this through with people.
In some cases, I've actively sought out an open dialogue, tried to meet up with people, made sacrifices so that I could have time available in which to talk things through, so that any uncomfortableness or uncertainty could be dispelled.
Fact is, if you are one of the people for whom I have done such things, who has then not only made excuses not to hang out with me but also outright lied to me and then gone to do things with other people, well - that makes you a fucking arsehole.
Especially if you are the one person who I thought would support me no matter what I did in life.
Seriously. Fuck you.
08 April, 2008 - 18:54Comments (View)
So... it was my birthday on Wednesday
And still I did not see any reason to post to this place. Traditionally a lack of interest in putting stuff up here is an indicator that a re-design is just around the corner.
You shall be pleased to know that that tradition is being upheld. I've been wanting to change the way this place works for a month or so now, so I'll be using this weekend to do that.
But onto the Birthday. I'm 20 now. I'm no longer a teenager. That's pretty important, right? Eh, I guess. Don't feel any different, really, as no one does on their birthday. And I've been saying 'almost 20' when people ask me my age for so long now that it's an easy mental shift to say '20'.
Here's something more interesting(maybe only to me). I brought the giant unicycle back up to Uni with me for this term, and I was really scared about riding it around and 'passing' as female. Not because it's not a very feminine thing for someone to do(let's face it, it's not a very human thing to do) but because in my mind all I could see when I thought about riding it was Kyle.
Over the last couple of months my residual self image(yes, referencing the Matrix, what of it?) has gradually shifted from 'Kyle' to 'Avery', mainly due to conscious effort on my part to look in mirrors whenever I find them. At first it would take half a second for my brain to realise it was me looking back(which doesn't sound long, but it's years in brain-world), but now it's pretty much "oh, yeah, there I am".
Gradually that new RSI has been applied to different activities - eating, working at Somerfield, juggling - because they're all things I could do in the presence of either a mirror or some reflective surface(or the CCTV displays at Somerfield).
The unicycle is taking longer, though, because I'm moving very fast usually. It's kind of hard to look in a shop window, see the reflection and go "that's me, that is" and keep cycling without hitting someone. So I'm still very worried about how well I pass.
And it seems I should be worried - about half of the comments I hear assume that I'm a guy. Naturally I'm very happy about the other 50%, but I can't help but question those who look at the Unicyclist and see Kyle. Does Kyle have boobs? Does Kyle put his hair up in a clip? Does Kyle wear awesome eye make-up? Maybe it's just that unicycling hasn't really penetrated the popular consciousness, and those people that are aware of it usually jump straight to 'clown', and a male clown at that.
Which I guess is something to work on.
04 April, 2008 - 13:11Comments (View)