Venn again...
27 March, 2008 - 21:34Comments (View)
Totally not kidding.
http://www.averyedison.com/terrible
26 March, 2008 - 18:30Comments (View)
New Post Test 1,000,000
Not really a test. Click the link, not kidding.
Avery Edison's 'The NONion'
24 March, 2008 - 23:34Comments (View)
You remind me of a few of my famous friends.
Well, that all depends... what you qualify as friends.
As usual, click the pic for a lazy post.
23 March, 2008 - 19:37Comments (View)
A word in your ear?
i figured something out whilst i was making a futile attempt to sleep last night, i think i'm getting stupider ... i have a lack of interlectual stimulation up here... i belive that you are one of the few friends of mine that will undestand where i'm coming from and might have some form of insight that i missed during my insomnaic musings.
Well, yes. I certainly have a little experience in this area.
A quick proviso, for those who don't know: I'm crazy smart, like off the chart - everything I say is a work of art.
Glad that's outta the way.
On a more serious not, the last time I felt really intellectually stimulated on a regular basis was when I was still attending Poole Grammar School, in years 8 and 9. That was also the last time I recall doing my homework with any real regularity. Break and lunch times were not a fun experience(see: bullying), and I escaped that by going to the library and working as hard as I could. I avoided beatings and finished everything so that I could just watch TV when I got home. That was pretty sweet.
Once I left PGH and joined The Purbeck School, I slowly began to make more friends. I did start by still doing homework in the library, but as lunchtimes and breaks became funtimes(at least more often than not, see: a certain someone putting my books up trees) I started to socialise more, and work less. That would have been fine if I could have done the work at home, instead, but I was so used to being able to watch TV after school that I didn't want to stop.
That was the start of my acedemic decline, and the root of my terrible A-Level results.
Through it all, though, I never felt like I was getting 'stupider'. Barring major head injuries or massive doses of ketamine(or other), I'm not too sure that's possible. People say that the mind is like a muscle, and that you need to train it to keep your faculties at their best. I don't really subscribe to that thinking, either. The brain isn't a muscle, it's a bunch of pathways - some people have more pathways than others, and more links between them and those people are smarter. Just because you don't walk down those paths as much as you used to, doesn't mean they aren't still there.
I should say that this doesn't rule out that people can get smarter. To go back to my bad metaphor, I totally think that you can build new paths, or learn shortcuts between your current ones and become a more intelligent person. I just don't think you can become less smart.
So why does my anonymous friend with a problem feel like they are getting stupider?
My route to University can go three, maybe four ways. One across a field, one through the town center, one through an industrial estate, and one that's a mix of all three. I've gotten used to going through the park. It's the quickest way, and therefore it's the bare minimum I need to do to accomplish my goal of getting to Uni.
I'd say that my friend is in the same situation, sort of. They are also at Uni, doing a fairly hard course, but I'd wager that that one journey through the park is starting to get a little boring, and making them feel stagnant. It's still work, but now it's become a baseline, a minimum. With my journey to Uni I can switch up the way I take when I get a little bored - it's hard to do that with assigned work at an academic institution.
My recommendation is to start making more journeys. Do more things that stretch your legs, give you a different view. Get the stuff for uni out of the way, and work on your own projects, things that interest you, things that are hard, that you think you might not even be able to do.
Be more creative. Which, incidentally, I know you can be.
I felt pretty crappy about how my brain was doing at the start of last year, so I set myself a goal - to write this blog, everyday for the year. I didn't achieve the goal, and that's fine, because along the way I found that every now and then I'd write something that was really great, something that pushed my brain, that was hard to do.
My own personal god, Zefrank has a whole bunch of videos on creativity. Here are two that I think really help in this situation:
I've moved this from "how do I feel less stupid" to "how do I make more stuff" because I think creativity and your own image of your intellectual ability are linked in a powerful way. The things we create are physical representations of what we have inside our head - we are wired to deal with physicality, with the 3-D, the tangible. We need these things we create to reinforce our own abilities. I'm sure right now, anonymous, that all you're creating is work for Uni, and that's leaving you thinking that your brain is only able to do one thing right now, that it's getting stagnant.
Well, stir it up.
Hope this helps.
20 March, 2008 - 23:33Comments (View)
By request.
I was first introduced to Mystery Science Theater 3000 back in 2004. I was up late, flicking between channels when I stumbled upon it on ITV. Incidentally, showing MST3K: The Movie is the only good thing that ITV has ever done.
I should pause for a moment to explain to those of you who do not know what MST3K is. Better yet, I'll let wikipedia do that for me:
The series features a man and his robot sidekicks who are trapped on a satellite in space and forced to watch a selection of terrible movies, especially (but not initially limited to) science fiction B-movies. The man and his robots make a running commentary on the film, making fun of its flaws and wisecracking their way through the film in the style of a movie theater peanut gallery.
That summary doesn't mention just how funny the show(and later movie) really is. The script went through dozens of re-writes, with the films being pored over to find every single opportunity for a laugh. Space is limited, since viewers need also to keep track of what is happening in the feature being mocked, so any joke that is only "okay" doesn't make the cut. Lines are often smart, and sometimes reference obscure facets of pop-culture - if you get it, it kills you.
So I was watching the MST3K movie on ITV. Initially, I wasn't convinced - the film takes a few minutes to get to a good laugh, there's a lot of setup to get out of the way(usually taken care of in the TV show by the theme song). What got me to sit up and pay attention? This line:
Keanu Reeves in 'My Own Private Airfield'.
I don't know, to this day, what made me laugh so much about that line. I hadn't even seen "My Own Private Idaho", barely heard of it. Maybe it was the reference to Keanu, an actor who was particularly ubiquitous at the time. Whatever it was, I was hooked from that point on. As usual, I had subtitles up, so every sentence made it's way clear and load to my brain(a side-effect of the 'lack of room' issue is that sometimes jokes can get lost in the rapid delivery). My favourite lines? Completely out of context? Sure.
Acting!
Okay, let's see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in this one; we're safe.
See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!
Exeter: ... they're magnetized.
Crow T. Robot: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.
Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I'm *not* an alien!
Exeter: A PEACEFUL relocation...
Crow T. Robot: After the genocide, of course.
I quickly jumped to the internet, and researched the history of MST3K. I won't go into it's long and storied past, since it's available here. After browsing around for a few hours and seeing a couple of pages(dial-up humour!) I learned that the episode I simply 'had' to see was... 'MANOS: The Hands of Fate'
Wow. I mean... Wow. It's a truly terrible movie. And, therefore, excellent canon fodder for the
Joel: So, it's Manos...
Crow T. Robot: ...the Hands of Fate?
Joel: Yes.
[watching the women wrestle in the desert in Manos the Hands of Fate]
Tom Servo: I'm guessing this is the whole reason this movie was made.
Crow T. Robot: [when Torgo appears one bit of music keeps playing over and over] Ahh, yes, the haunting Torgo theme.
Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photo.
I had downloaded Manos on E-Mule, using my Aunt's broadband connection. It took 4 days. I then tried "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!" I had failed to plan ahead, and therefore had to wait another 4 days for my fix. No quotes this time - 'Martians' did nothing but disappoint me. I'm not even sure I made it to the end - and if I did, I sure as hell can't remember what happened!
Hell, even dwarves dressed up like elves apparently failde to make me like this movie. What the heck?
My time with the broadband used up, and my spirit broken by 'Martians', I stayed away for a little while. I figured I'd gotten enjoyment out of 66% of my voyages into MST3K-land, and that would do.
It was not until 2007, when I was stuck house-sitting in America with nothing to do that I tried once more. I was browsing one of the few fora I frequent, and stumbled upon the MST3K topic there. Someone recommended the episode 'Space Mutiny', along with quoting one of it's jokes(below, obv). A lot has changed between 2004 and 2007, and nowadays watching 'Space Mutiny' is just a quick hop, skip and jump over to AllUC.org.
[after Space Mutiny finally ends]
Mike Nelson: Boo! Boo!
Tom Servo: Man, a retarted jellyfish could make a better movie than this!
Crow: A severely impaired box turtle with a very busy schedule, just give him a camera for a day, he'd come up with something better than this.
Captain Devers: [referring to another character] Sir, we both know there's only one man here who's capable of combat. A man who's had training, both physically and mentally.
Commander Jansen: Alright.
Crow: [as Jansen] Fetch me my warrior muumuu.
My love was re-invigorated! I immediately ordered 'Manos' and 'Martians' on DVD, to re-enjoy and re-evaluate, respectively.
I scoured the net for discussion, information and episodes. And then..!
I sort of... forgot about MST3K.
Some personal things were happening, and 'fun' took a back-seat for a while. Eh.
Then!
The Sound of Young America came to the rescue! TSOYA is a podcast and radio show in which the host, Jesse Thorn, interviews famous people. And in the episode linked above, he talks to Joel Hodgson and Frank Conniff, big players in MST3K's history(Joel was the star for the first few seasons). They talked about their new venture, Cinematic Titanic(basically MST3K but not on TV) but more importantly informed me of RiffTrax.
Rifftrax is the brainchild of another former MST3K star, Mike Nelson. It's also a lot like MST3K, but instead of old movies, they 'riff' on new ones - Jurassic Park, Spiderman - even the first few episodes of Heroes! I downloaded the RiffTrax for 'Daredevil', laughed my socks off, and then paid for others - Spiderman, Matrix, Fantastic Four and Casino Royale. All were hilarious and more than worth the £1/£2(thank hellfire for the low dollar!).
So that's my history with MST3K, as requested by one intrepid listener. I've fallen in and out of love with the format over the years, but it's won me over once more to even greater degrees. I'm desperate to do one myself. Which, with my group of friends, certainly sounds feasible, eh?
A quick epilogue - I use the phrase 'I downloaded' a fair few times in this post, and that may come off badly. But I also use the phrases 'I bought' and 'I paid for'. I would not have bought the MST3K dvds and later the RiffTrax if I had not been able to illegally download examples of both from the internet. So I don't think it's a bad thing that this post highlights numerous times I have stolen content from hardworking people.
19 March, 2008 - 22:17Comments (View)
However do I choose?
Fed up with having to choose between a multitude of comparison sites like Tesco Compare and Confused.com? Well, worry no more!
As usual, click for bigger.
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this number is then sent to our
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So when you can't figure out which comparison site to use, use our comparison site.
To compare them all.
The comparison sites, I mean.
...
sigh.
....
yep, joke sufficiently beaten into the ground.
18 March, 2008 - 22:22Comments (View)
I'll make a V-sign only you can see
If you hit me at 40 miles an hour there's an 80% chance I'll die.
Hit me at 30, and there's an 80% chance I'll live.
Are you the one they call Beowolf?
I said you better release me.
Now we can begin my most horrible evil plan yet.
You're a fat loser and you have body odor.
What is it with you people and the concept of 'okay'?
17 March, 2008 - 23:31Comments (View)
Lighthearted...
17 March, 2008 - 00:43Comments (View)
Venn again...
17 March, 2008 - 00:18Comments (View)
You'd better know how to read graphs[clicky the picky].
16 March, 2008 - 18:46Comments (View)
Eh, a cheap link for you.
Me on the 4 Amigos Show ---> http://media.libsyn.com/media/lukegrayshow/episode15.mp3
16 March, 2008 - 16:53Comments (View)
Full of Plans, but not much Time
Which is ridiculous, given that I had today off of work. I did, however, spend a few hours sleeping and watched a couple RiffTrax. So... y'know... not time wasted or anything.
I should have been working on the myriad things that require my attention this Easter break, but the 10-hour shift from yesterday and the anticipation of 5 more of those days in a row kind of tired me out.
And by God, do I wish there was a way to hide individual peeps' status updates in Facebook. Honestly, Hannah Dashfield is a very nice person, but I don't need to know what she's up to at all hours of the day.
Yes, a short post today after a picture past yesterday. Deal with it.
11 March, 2008 - 20:01Comments (View)
She Did This
10 March, 2008 - 20:43Comments (View)
Godzilla took a bite outta Optimus Prime
Avery: How's the driving license thing going?
Jack: Yeah. No.
Avery: What's 'no'?
Jack: I don't really have one any more.
Avery: Why not? Was it the speeding?
Jack: Wel-
Avery: The constant speeding?
Jack: It wasn-
Avery: The reckless, unbridled, record-breakingly omni-present speeding that you exhibited during your tenure as a 'driver'?
Jack: Can you stop with the adjectives? It wasn't the speeding.
Avery: Are you kidding? How could it not be the speeding? You sped for England! You sped like a man possessed!
Jack: I'm fully aware.
Avery: You made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs!
Jack: I don't... what is that?
Avery: It's Star War- doesn't matter. Back on topic. How the heck did you lose your license and have it not be for speeding?
Jack: Well... I didn't say I lost it. I know exactly where it is.
Avery: Well where is it then?
Jack: In my lower intestine.
Avery: You ATE it?
Jack: Yep. For a bet.
Avery: For a BET?
Jack: Well, sort of a bet/sort of a dare.
Avery: So you can still legally drive.
Jack: Oh, big time.
Avery: So why are we walking? Why have we BEEN walking for... 2 hours now?
Jack: Well, that's the other part of the bet. Slash dare.
Avery: ...
Jack: I ate the car too.
09 March, 2008 - 22:21Comments (View)
Hilarious things happen to me every day.
I have a Macro set up on my laptop that automatically takes me to Facebook every time I type "thebook".
Earlier I accidentally typed "thobeek" instead.
HA HA HA HA HA HA killme killme HA HA HA HA killme HA HA
08 March, 2008 - 23:08Comments (View)
More milk per milk.
That popped into my head earlier, and refreshed my brain with it's delightful ridiculousness. Three cheers for Jack, circa Dec. 2007.
I'm on the road again, writing another entry whilst in a train carriage. "Do try to keep all personal items with you." That's try, mind. Like it's hard. Well, terrifyingly monotone South West Trains voice-over lady - I shall try my very hardest. If I should fail, know that I did so not for lack of trying.
It's one of the rule's of writing that one should remove all unneeded words, strip your sentence down to it's bare necessities essentials. Strictly speaking, one could remove the "Do try to" from the Train lady's little safety speech, but it would turn into an order, rather than a suggestion. It would lack a certain humanity. The automated, soulless robot message would lack a certain humanity.
The speech isn't necessary, of course. Everyone is already trying to keep their stuff with them. If you manage to lose your stuff on a train, it's not likely that this message will do anything to help you. To be honest, I doubt that a trained medical professional could do anything to help you. Stupid is as stupid does, and stupid does lose it's stuff on a train.
The message certainly isn't stopping any extremist attacks, either. There are no paramilitaries who plan to use a C4ed-rucksack to disrupt British travel(and the lives of those allergic to shrapnel) who are suddenly dissuaded to do so by "Try to keep all personal items with you." On the rare occasions these events happen, they'll either get off at Brockenhurst and leave the bag behind, or blow themselves up to. 'Losing' the thing doesn't enter into it.
So, to sum up - the message is pointless. Won't stop stupid people losing shit, won't stop terrorists blowing shit up. The only thing it serves to do is take up vital auditory bandwidth as I try to listen to 'Panic at the Disco'(no exclamation mark anymore, fact fans) on my iPod.
And no, no derisory comments about "maybe it's a good thing after all". 'Panic' are good. And anyone who disagrees is a racist sexist ageist bee-ist.
07 March, 2008 - 01:06Comments (View)
Mai Earegyoular Eks-preshun
That's "My Irregular Expression" for those who don't speak 'brain addled by hours of working with barely comprehensible letters'-ese.
So there were problems with the wall, and now those problems are fixed. Thanks to Ian Tomey Hovis for pointing those issues out, and putting me on the right path to fixing them. Even if that path did end up causing slight dementia and a very strange period where I rolled around on the floor, spitting fire and mumbling something about 'strings'.
Ladybug?
06 March, 2008 - 12:17Comments (View)
Just as long as she is just as long as me.
I currently have reserves of both food groups(biscuits and After Eights) on my window sill(where they are kept cool) along with a bottle of Coca Cola(containing it's vital caffeine). The great thing about biscuits and After Eights is that if one has limited time, but needs to consume both the nutrients of a digestive and the vitamins of a mint crème, one can simply melt them together using a lighter or open flame of some other kind.
A more advanced method, of course, is to use an electron microscope to observe the atomic flux states of both wafer thin mint and wheat-made crumbly and wait until sufficient gaps appear to fuse the two objects together at a molecular level. Like I said, this is for higher-level practitioners - lower-level chefs should try the 'simple' recipe.
For those who can't even manage our basic recipe, I recommend simply placing both food items into your facial orifice at once and letting your dentures do the work. Or you can ask a grown up to help you with our more complex recipes.
05 March, 2008 - 10:40Comments (View)
Join my group please.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=8555903604
kthxbai
04 March, 2008 - 21:14Comments (View)
The Wall
It's done, so go over there and write something!
http://www.averyedison.com/thewall
03 March, 2008 - 08:39Comments (View)
Facebook groups that don't exist, but should.
- Stop the war in Iraq, start the war with YOUR MUM
- Campaign for real Dale. (Winton's a faker, yo. Check the skin tone.)
- Sign Here if you think we all need at least 6 extra arms.
- You know you grew up in the 1920s if...
- I just found out I can fly... AND SO CAN YOU.
- I'm the real Slim Shady, but I'm too tired.
- I attempt to teleport on a daily basis.
- You know you're a hemophiliac if...
- Disco is Dead!(In honour of Lenny Disco, 1946-2008)
- I am annoyed by some tiny, inconsequential thing in life, and must broadcast this publicly.
- Christ rolls 20s.
- I don't want to go to school today(Read the description!).
- You know you don't like eating scrambled eggs if...
- Sotton Felchers(group for Southampton; Portsmouth Felchers can fuck off!!!!1)
- Turtles are cute, and taste great.
- Lil' Bruce Wayne is the happiest kid alive.
02 March, 2008 - 04:38Comments (View)
Call for "Serious Debate" on wolf
See here : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/highlands_and_islands/7268765.stm
Somtimes, when I get a little exasperated with the universe, I cry out "Are you kidding me?". Apparently the universe sometimes hears me and replies "Well... I... I'm not kidding right now, but I could rustle something up. If you need a laugh?"
And then this stuff happens. People want to go out of their way to save wolves. Apparently the Scottish Highlands weren't dangerous enough. Never mind the heart-attack inducing deep-fried mars bars, we need more rabid, carnivorous dogs up north of the border, too.
I'd rather see any money spent on this project instead go to anti-wolf measures. Like giant robotic exoskeletons so I can finally live my life in peace, free from the fear of wolf attacks. Or maybe a big, portable box we can put all the wolves in. And send to the Sun.
01 March, 2008 - 03:27Comments (View)