Who is the idiot? I am the idiot? Oh.
So this morning I went for my first run with the nike+ iPod kit. This kit basically consists of a small sensor that goes in your shoe and tracks your movement, while the iPod carries an attachment to pick up the info.
If you own a Nike trainer, then you'll have no problem carrying the sensor, as the shoe has a specially designed slot for just this occasion. However, if you are like me and own a Puma(or any other brand) trainer, you'll run into difficulties.
There are various products available on the 'net for making sure your sensor stays on your non-Nike shoe. I don't, however, have the proclivity towards forking out money for something I need now and will take two days to arrive. I decided to cut open my trainer, and stick the sensor in it the old fashioned way: with brute force.
The place I chose to hold the sensor was perhaps not the wisest choice... it was on the outside of the shoe. I chose this place because I felt it would not annoy my foot in any way, and I thought that the shoe material was sticky enough(on the inside) to hold the sensor in place.
So I went for my run. Immediately I knew I should have calbrated the sensor since it was telling me I had run 0.17 miles when I knew I had done a whole mile. I decided to address this when I got home. I walked back, because my extradordinary level of un-fitness had caused burning pains in my chest that wouldn't leave.
I was cold, hungry and in pain, but luckily within 300 metres of my house. I stumbled forward, as I had for the last 15 minutes, when the iPod suddenly told me that 'activity has stopped. Pausing work-out'. Wait, what? The only reason that activity would stop would be if I had stopped moving, or if I had lost the sensor. I was still moving. Uh-oh.
New sensors are 19, so I resigned myself to turning back and looking for it. Did I mention it was 4:30 in the morning? I could barely see my feet, let alone a piece of plastic the size of a 50p piece. After ten minutes of blindly searching the pavement for the sensor, I gave up and returned home.
Cut to 12 hours later. I'm walking back from Spar after having picked up some maltesers and Coca-Cola(I am a junkie. I need to stop this). I'm pretty down, since I'm going to have to shell out cash for a new sensor. Suddenly, I see it! My sensor! Lost half a day ago and then found amongst the shrubbery! Yes!
So what have we learnt from this? Well, three things:
- Trips to Spar can, in rare circumstances, be happy events.
- I am an idiot who needs to plan shoe-gadget-placement more carefully.
- Christmas miracles can happen. Even in January.
31 January, 2007 - 16:24Comments (View)
Chicks getting naked is pretty much my penis' answer to everything.
If you are one of the thousands who have spent time reading my archives, you may have noticed that I spent an inordinate amount of time using the term 'whore' as an insult.
What's weird is that I didn't use it to imply that the person was a sex worker. That thought didn't ever enter into my mind. My thought processes were simply "I want to say something mean about this girl... she's a whore".
When I heard other people using the term, I would immediately assume that they meant "she is a prostitute" or "she lets the dicks of paying men enter her body". I always thought it was a highly judgemental thing to say, and yet I said it all the time, with no regard for what it signified.
One afternoon a girl at school was irritating me, so I said "shut up, you stupid whore". Since this was the first time I had used the word about someone who was in earshot, I wasn't expecting the deluge of people who were angry at me for even thinking that word.
I found myself having to come up with fake arguments to 'back myself up', when really I just ended up digging myself deeper. The use of the word 'trollope' could have contributed to this.
Since then, I almost never say 'whore', unless I honestly mean to say "you are a sexworker". That means I've grown as a person.
Probably.
30 January, 2007 - 16:23Comments (View)
Consistently shirtless.
When I was going to sleep earlier for my seven pm nap, I could feel a cutoff point from regular-consciousness to the dream-like state of falling asleep.
It was awesome. I was like: head on pillow, think about various insane things(code, books, universe, spray-painting shoes), then it felt like I seperated from my body, but only half-way. Like I was floating slightly above myself, but being in myself at the same time.
I like to hope that this is my brain creating a palpable difference between awake time and nap time. That would be awesome, because I have huge problems getting to sleep for my naps sometimes.
29 January, 2007 - 16:22Comments (View)
Just went for my first run.
I managed maybe a mile before my searing insides hastened a return to The Funnel Web. I had to stop to walk a few times, although I enjoyed some success with the "just make it to..." technique. Viewing the journey as lots of small goals rather than one big goal was useful.
On monday I'm going to Poole with Tim. I may pick up some jogging gear whilst I'm there.
I am presented with a bit of a quandry when it comes to running stuff. I already have some sweat-pants, and lots of perfectly good t-shirts. My new iPod, however, is red, as is the armband that I bought with it.
I own next to no red clothing, because for years I have held the opinion that red makes me look fat(despite the fact that I weigh 6 stone). When I go shopping on monday do I purchase red trousers and a red t-shirt?
I also have perfect Puma running shoes, with cool spikes at the front. They're blue, however. Do I get some red-spray paint to make them fit in? Am I subconsciously trying to look like the Flash?
These are questions.
27 January, 2007 - 16:21Comments (View)
I am addicted to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
Despite it being terrible. It's like watching car crash TV, except I also sort of care at the same time. Odd.
Today I ordered a new iPod. My old one is functioning perfectly well(despite a few scratches and being dropped many times). Mel's iPod mini, however, is not.
Many would wonder why my sister's iPod not working is my problem? Well, really, it isn't. I did buy it for her, though, so I feel a certain responsibilty for it. I also want a new iPod nano for myself, so I bought one so she could have my old 60gig iPod photo.
Why am I downgrading from a 60gig to a 4gig? Well, I don't really listen to that broad a musical spectrum, really. I like the Unicorns, the Shins, Death Cab, a few compilations, Spoon, The Killers and Damien Rice, but that's about it. I also have some stand-up and a few comedy podcasts in my iTunes, but I don't really have a lot. I honestly don't need 60gigs.
I also want to start running, something that would only be bearable for me if I listened to music/spoken word at the same time. This isn't really workable, because the 60gig's hard drive would get messed up by the repeated movement. Thus, I need something flash-based, like the nano.
The iPod nano can also be used with the Nike+ kit. This is a small sensor that can be placed in your trainer, which then sends data to your iPod. Data like how fast you're running, how far, how many calories you're burning, how long you're taking. The iPod will tell you various little facts about your run whilst you're still going ("You have run 2 miles!"). That's not even the best part, though.
Once you get home, you can plug in your iPod and transmit all your data to the nike website, where it will use a gorgeous flash page to show you the statistics about your running history in a gloriously readable form. You can even keep track of other runners, and start competitions. Awesome.
I need something like this, that turns excercise into a game, to get me running. That may be sad and pathetic, but at least such a product exists to save me from my laziness. I cannot wait until it arrives on monday.
26 January, 2007 - 16:20Comments (View)
When there's nowhere else to run.
So I'm back home, with delightful internet access. Ah, how I have missed thee.
I am slightly annoyed, however, at the fact that the entire blogosphere appears to have done nothing but sit on it's thumbs for the three days I was away.
I know I only subscribe to 15 or so RSS feeds, but for none of them to update in 3 days? Surely that's a statistical improbability on a par with monkeys not typing Shakespeare!*
Still, I console myself by reading actual books instead. My aunt is trying to get me to convert to a raw food diet, and I am tempted. She's given me several books to peruse, and the author seem to be outlining a lot of things that make sense.
The thing is, the sort of facts they produce also sound like what you'd hear out of a 'crazy health nut'. Stuff like "eating cooked food takes away your enzmes! Think of the enzymes!!". It's all abcked up by verifiable science, but there's still a touch of the insane that puts me off slightly.
Still, once I have polyphasic sleeping down, I will be trying my absolute best to convert to a raw food diet. I need to move away from the lifestyle that has me eating nothing but weetabix or maltesers. I need some actual vitamins in my life.
*The old "infinite amount of monkeys typing forever would produce the complete works of Shakespeare" is actually not a statistical certainty. It is entirely probable that they would manage this feat, but it is more probable that they would type a stream of crap because there are more groupings of letters that make up nonsense than there are groupings of letters that make up words used in Shakespeare.
There, don't you feel smarter?
25 January, 2007 - 16:19Comments (View)
Center Parcs - Much later.
So I've decided that I'm going to cut my trip to Center Parcs short. I've been here at least a dozen times, and each time had progressively less fun.
I don't know if it's because I'm becoming too used to it, or because I'm maturing as a person, but for some reason going to the Plaza and 'braving' the Wild Water Rapids for ten hours straight just doesn't seem enjoyable anymore.
Many would say that there are plenty of things to do at Center Parcs, like go to the sports center, or paraglide, or get a massage or spa treatment. Go to the pancake house. These are all commendable and, probably, entertaining ways to spend one's time. However, nearly every activity at Center Parcs requires money. Bags of it.
I am in dire financial straits as it is without the added strain of dropping 80 on a facial. I'd like to, but I need to show some self-restraint.
So in a few minutes I'm hopping into my cousin Jane's car, and we're journeying back to Dorset together. Yay.
24 January, 2007 - 16:18Comments (View)
How I got stuck in Frome - Part Three
Four hours doesn't seem like much to me, nowadays. It's four or five episodes of The OC. It's less than half the time it took me to learn to unicycle. It's a fraction of the time it took me to learn huge things, like reading or writing. No, four hours doesn't seem like much at all.
But time is a funny thing. It always feels like it's going by fast when you're having fun. Hours, even days can pass by when you're laughing with friends, splashing down at Splashdown, or watching a film. But when you're stuck, alone, at a train station in a small, almost lifeless, town, time can slow to an almost interminable crawl.
At first I tried to just pace up and down the platform. This presented problems - how far up should I go before turning back to avoid talking to the(crazy) homeless man? How could I turn in a way that made it seem like his craziness wasn't the cause? Should I walk slowly to make the platform seem longer, or fast to keep me warm?
Yes, dear readers, my neurotic brain can make even the molehill of walking seem like a mountain of Olympian proportions. Perhaps the homeless man wasn't the only crazy person in the station.
Next, I tried reading the only book I had with me - Love All The People, the collection of the late Bill Hicks' routines, letters and interviews. I was actually doing okay with this one, until I could two or three performances in.
You see, a lot of Bill's acts were modelled on the same basic skeleton, with various small tidbits added on. This works well when you watch his various performances, because his inflections and intonations really make it worthwhile, but reading the same material over and over can become a bit boring. Or a lot boring.
My iRiver was running out of juice, so that wouldn't be a distraction for much longer. I bought some chocolate from the vending machine, and went to the toilet twice. I even tried wandering past the homeless man, but saw only an industrial site.
There was a beacon of hope, for a few short minutes. Two guys on BMXs came to the station, and we got chatting. Turned out they knew someone who went to my school, so we yakked about that for a bit. Then they got on a train(not headed in my direction) and left me.
My iRiver ran out of juice. I felt like crying. I was cold, lonely and worried that I might die in some godforsaken town. Things were bad. I did the only thing I could think of.
I sat still on a bench for three and a half hours.
I wish I had done something more exciting, like set fire to a bin and try to live in it, but I didn't. I honestly just sat there. For three and a half hours. And tried with all my might to turn my brain off. If only for a few minutes.
By the time my Mum turned up, my arse had nigh on frozen to the bench, and my eyes were sufficiently glazed over. The moment my phone buzzed to let me know she had arrived was one of the happiest moments in my life.
I should probably be of the opinion that the Frome experience was one that changed me profoundly, and at least made me appreciate fact that I don't live in Frome. But to be honest, I was just glad to be out of there.
And that's the Frome story.
23 January, 2007 - 16:17Comments (View)
Arhg - timeline nonsense.
This page currently shows nothing for the twentieth and twenty-first of this month, which is annoying. I do have those entries almost ready to put on the page, but some fine-tuning needs to be done, and whenever I write an entry in Word and then post it up here I have to convert various text characters, which is boring and arduous.
I am, unfortunately, going to Center Parcs today for a week-long holiday. That's right, a holiday from the job I don't have. A holiday from the university i don't go to. Craziness.
Whilst I'm there, I'll most likely be eating only raw food, because my Aunt is a nut for that stuff. I'll also be mostly writing stuff on my laptop and reading books I'm taking with me.
When I come back I'll hopefully have a huge backlog of stuff to put up here whenever nothing exciting happens in my day. Which is often.
So, I shall return next friday and post not only this saturday and sunday's entries, but all this coming week's as well.
I really should have waited until after my holiday to start this thing.
22 January, 2007 - 16:16Comments (View)
Nothing much going down... ladies.
I've just had my seven pm nap and whilst I was trying to get to sleep I was hit by the realisation that it would be so easy to regress into the pathetic guy who would be crying in the corner about now.
I just felt this tug at the corner of my mind, a little spark of thought that kept reminding me that if I just thought for a few seconds about the hopelessness of existence and how shit things were lately, I could be a gibbering wreck - unreachable and inconsolable.
Lately I've been thinking that my willpower is weak. I break out of things like polyphasic sleep and quitting caffeine whenever it gets even slightly hard. Having this sudden realisation, however, has shown me that I'm totally wrong.
It would probably be so comforting to give in to the dark side, go completely catatonic and get committed to some institution. I'd be taken care of; I wouldn't have to worry about things like bills, or jobs or the real world at all. I could just spend my days quietly weeping in a padded room. And that scenario is(whilst scary) slightly welcoming.
If I have the willpower to keep going with the day-to-day, and keep up the(sometimes tenuous) construct of my sanity, then I really have more willpower than I thought. And I really shouldn't beat myself up about failing the self-imposed challenges I set every day.
I hope this post doesn't make people think I'm a crazy person.
21 January, 2007 - 16:15Comments (View)
How I got stuck in Frome - Part Two
So, last time we saw me I was at Frome train station, being told by a conductor that I was stuck there until morning, a good sixteen hours away.
I'll be honest. I very nearly cried right then and there. I'd been put off by train journeys in the past by thoughts of being stranded in some hellhole, and now those nightmares had become grim reality.
I got off the train(apparently it needed to go back to train land or where-ever trains go to sleep) and shuffled my way down the platform. One of the wheels on my suitcase was broken, so the left corner dragged annoyingly on the ground, gradually wearing a hole in the material.
I reached a bench and sat down, trying to get my bearings. I had roughly twenty pounds on me, most of it in notes, unfortunately. I would have to limit my use of the nearby vending machine to only the most necessary purchases.
I looked up the platform and saw a homeless man talking to himself, and immediately began praying silenty that he would leave the station, and me, alone. I know that I had a home I would eventually get back too, and that homeless people need places like Frome train station to keep(relatively) warm in, but I just don't need a crazy person salting my game.
There was a toilet nearby, the key to which could be obtained from the taxi-cab company that operated in one of the station rooms. So I wouldn't have to pee outside. In a town like Frome, that goes in the 'bonus' column.
I foraged amongst my elephant-skin jacket for my mobile phone, which at the time was a brick-like Ericsson contraption that probably only had four numbers and used rotary-dialing. I called my Mother, explained the situation, made plaintive cries, and was told she'd be there soon.
How soon, you ask?
Four hours. Give or take.
20 January, 2007 - 16:14Comments (View)
How I got stuck in Frome - Part One
In the spring of 2004, I was called into the year office at school and told that I had been selected to attend a summer school program. Usually that means that you're a little slow in the brains department, but in this case it was just a random selection of kids who would be sent to different universities up and down the country for a week to see what it was like.
I had been chosen to visit Bath University for the week. Bath is one of the few major English towns that I've been to, and I'm a big fan. It's got great shops, a cool canal and a kick-arse Burger King that I can find my way to blindfold.
The story of my week at Bath Uni is a long and complicated one, which I do not have time to tell today. Suffice it to say that I had, for the most part, an okay time. I also made one friend who I've kept to this day, and who has influenced me in a lot of ways and helped me through some bad times. He also convinced my Mum to get broadband for the house, which gets him bonus points.
I had been a bit scared about the week at the Uni ending, because the train journey up had been confusing (a couple of changes - nothing major now, but enough to give me the frights back then) and the trip back had yet to be arranged. The uni said they had bought and paid for my ticket, but hadn't furnished me with the details.
The mass exodus from the main University site was a difficult procedure in itself. I seem to recall one bus for all 60 of us, and a very long wait in the uni car park whilst another bus was procured (it was during this wait that I acquired the phone number of someone who had spelt accommodation wrong on a flyer and made it my mission to punish him through the medium of prank phone calls).
Once we were all herded onto the correct buses and shipped down to the station, tearful goodbyes were said (not by me - I had thankfully stopped crying in public by then) and it seemed like everyone but me was getting on one train whilst the student handlers tried to work out where I should go.
This, in essence, seems to sum up my existence. Of course I would be the one person whose journey details were unsure, whilst everyone else amiably crowded onto a train guaranteed to get them home. Sometimes having weird things happen to you sucks.
My guides finally pointed me in the direction of the 'right' train, and I thanked them and boarded a train on which there seemed to be only two other passengers. No matter, I simply plugged in my iRiver(I had no style in those days, and no iPod either) and began reading my books as the train cheerfully chugged away from the station.
Everything was fine for the first forty minutes or so. The train stopped at various stations, people got on and off, and basically normal, boring train stuff happened. Then the train pulled into Frome. And stayed there. For a while.
The train guard approached me and gestured for me to remove my headphones. I did so and he informed me that the train was terminating here for the night. Panic stricken, I showed him my journey planner, and he informed me that I had been ushered onto the wrong train. I asked when there would be another train going through Frome that would take me in the direction of home.
There wouldn't be. Not until morning.
Crap.
18 January, 2007 - 02:18Comments (View)
They get ice storms in the US.
And here we get drizzle. The UK is shit for weather.
I have re-designed the site, and I finally have it at a place where I think it looks gorgeous. It looks especially nice in viewed in Safari on a Mac, where this text will be given a drop-shadow, like all the other stuff on the page. I realise most people view this thing using IE(sadly) and it should look fine there too.
I am once again typing this entry the day after it was due. I did have an entry for today ready to post at about two this afternoon, but it was to announce a part of this site that isn't ready yet, so I had to post-pone that.
Today was mostly spent in bed, browsing the internet and trying to stay awake. Once everyone went to bed I went downstairs and did the washing up and the ironing whilst I listened to some podcasts.
I like ironing, for the most part. It requires just the right amount of attention that my brain can just shut off and get the job done for a while. I don't have to stand there and think about the secrets of the universe or anything major like I normally do.
Tomorrow(wednesday), two important things are happening. First, I'm going up(down?) to Cornwall to pick up some stuff from my flat and make sure Jack hasn't sold my posessions. I've got about 9 hours before my train leaves. I'll be back on thursday at six in the evening.
The second important thing happening tomorrow is the big secret I've been keeping since friday. I am very excited.
I will, obviously, not be making a post on wednesday, but I will write one on my laptop whilst in Falmouth(and maybe take some pictures) and upload it once I get back.
I hope you have a fun wednesday. I won't.
16 January, 2007 - 02:15Comments (View)
I am ridiculously tired.
I am, once again, attempting to give up caffeine, mainly Coca Cola. Being someone who usually gets through at least 3 litres a day, this is proving difficult.
Since Saturday morning I have only had one small glass of coke, and that was an hour ago. Today I absolutely dive-bombed polyphasic sleeping - the withdrawal headaches were too much to withstand whilst awake, so I slept through most of the day, waking at around an hour and a half ago.
I've also noticed that this time around I am suffering pains in my legs, like I have a constant cramp. I think this is probably a combination of my general tiredness from adapting to polyphasic sleeping and my body's need for coke. It sucks, whatever it is.
Quitting caffeine is the first step in what will hopefully be my move towards a totally raw diet. My aunt has been a big fan of it for a while now(despite never quite fully converting, I believe) and a few blogs I read have got me really enthused about it.
The only problem is that I've never really liked vegetables. Or fruit. Which could be a problem, to be honest.
15 January, 2007 - 02:13Comments (View)
I am rain man.
I was just reading various other people's blogs(an activity that must take up at least 55% of my time) an was thinking about putting an RSS feed and comments on this site.
For a second I thought to myself "no, that would be way too hard!", but then I thought about it for a few seconds and realised I could do it.
I could see the scripts writing themselves in my head: where to include links and files, what to call the strings and all the various IF statements necessary to make it work.
I love little moments when you realise how good you are at something. Like the time I saw a web-page that used CSS to make it look like a knife was slicing it in half and I realised I knew offhand the exact code that they used to make it work.
It's good for self-esteem to sit back and think about how awesome you are every now and then.
I've decided to put the Paradox site on hold for a day or two, because I'm really sick of the colour and design scheme for this site. I'm going to take my 7pm nap now, and then I'll probably do some sketches and tinker with the design here. If things go fuzzy on the site, you'll know why.
After that, I'll probably work on the comments and RSS feed.
14 January, 2007 - 02:12Comments (View)
A quick reminder - I am the system!
So once again I am posting this a few hours late because I got wrapped up in other things. Mainly eating tomato soup and watching Jackass 2. Which is funny, by the way.
I am contemplating going up to Cornwall on either monday or tuesday, because there are various checks, slips and deposit books I need to sign so that all hell does not break loose. Naturally, all my financial documents are an 8 hour train journey away.
I am a little wary of going back home. Not only will I have no internet there(number 1 on my priority list is always internet access) but also Jack and I have had a bit of a falling out. Mainly because he is a borederline alcoholic with a Peter-Pan complex who can't pay his bills on time without someone to hold his hand.
I think back to August, when Jack and I were driving to Falmouth for a quick visit and we decided to move in together. We were so rediculously excited about living in the same place. I believe we even referred to it as 'living the dream'.
Now, when I have to explain to people why I'm not exactly 'living the dream', the phrasing I usually use is "I didn't really plan on having a child this early". It is seriously that bad.
I mean, his bed went mouldy after he left a sky-light open for two days. In winter.
I am not even kidding.
13 January, 2007 - 02:11Comments (View)
Busy day. Ish.
I've been thinking hard about what time I woke up today, but I can't seem to quite grasp it. All I know is that I definitely had my 7am, 11am, 3(ish)pm and 7pm so far today, and that is obviously a good thing.
I went to Poole with Tim today. We hit up Burton's first because it was freezing and I needed a jacket. Since most of my clothes are up in Cornwall and I'm lazy with doing my washing, I currently have a very limited amount of options when choosing what to wear.
First I tried on this ridiculous wool Jonathan Creek-style overcoat that(despite being a size small) proved too big for me, which is lucky, in retrospect. Then I noticed a fake leather bikerish jacket in a nice brown, so I tried it, bought it and wore it. I feel bad about throwing the coat-hanger away.
We went to Paradox to pick up some comics(Tim wanted to get Thunderbolts #110, I wanted to get everything) and I unfortunately did not get to show Andy the site as I am nowhere near finished. The code for putting comics into the database is proving complex and I keep making rookie mistakes, which slow me down. Plus I need to work on the presentation.
Andy also seemed a bit cold to me, which was a shame. Now I'm a bit scared as to what his reaction will be when I do show him the site. I hope he takes it the right way and sees what a powerful tool it is/will be.
We then went to Pizza Express, which tasted great, as usual. I couldn't finish my pizza, though. Guess I had a small-stomach-day.
We hopped over(yes, like gay little sailors) to Waterstones, and talked for a good long while with the best shopworker in the world(besides me). He was, as always, awesome.
On the train back the guard heard us make a remark about the speech software on the train, and he told us that the trains actually ran Windows 98. We had some fun dialogue("At least it's not ME." "At least it's not Vista!") and a fun time was had by all.
We hung out in my funnel web, reading comics 'n' stuff, and Tim was kind enough to realise that I needed my 3pm nap, and said he'd better go home.
I spent the rest of today browsing the net and not working on the Paradox site at all, because I needed a break.
Today has been fantastic. One of my best days in a while. It's amazing that I was able to go out and interact with people without nearly dying from anxiety. I think a large part of that is Tim, who is funny and nice about it, as opposed to other friends of mine who I get uncomfortable around. That sounds gay, but it totally isn't.
To round out the day, I just did something totally cool that no-one will know about until the middle of next week. Awesome!
12 January, 2007 - 02:07Comments (View)
This sentence is in Spanish when you aren't looking.
Go ahead. Prove me wrong.
I don't understand people who cut themselves. It seems like such a stupid way to deal with your problems. I can understand suicide, because that is effective - once you succeed, you don't have to worry about things anymore. Becuase you're dead.
With cutting, though, there's no solution. Instead you're just left with the same problems you had to start with, plus a bunch of scars on your arm/leg/whatever. Some of which never fade and cause people to judge you for the rest of your life because of something you did when you were young. Or you could just wear long-sleeved tops forever.
This probably sounds, at least to some extent, like I'm recommending suicide over self-harm. I'm totally not, unless you are the idiot drives by my house every night playing loud R'n'B and honking your horn. In which case I will gladly pay cash money to watch you hang yourself.
I would obviously recommend neither self-harm or suicide, but rather therapy. For some reason though, people in this country seem to view it as a bad thing. In America everyone and his uncle has a shrink, maybe two, but over here seeking help for any mental health issues is seen as a bad thing.
And that's just crazy.
11 January, 2007 - 02:07Comments (View)
I did it!
Well, it took a really long time for me to wrap my head around(I'm hoping because I'm tired, but it's probably because, as previously mentioned, I am bad at coding), but I finally managed to make everything look good in my Paradox site design.
The problem had been that whilst everything did look right, everything was also aligned to the left, meaning that anyone using a computer with a larger screen than 12"(I'm working on my tiny iBook) would have a massive blank space next to the right of the page. This obviously would not do.
In the end the only way I could get it to work was to accept the fact that I wouldn't be able to have the sidebars sitting flush with the main content. The sidebars now rest right against the sides of the browser window with the main content slap bang in the middle. It also took a while to make sure the header and footer didn't move along with the rest of the page, but that turned out to be a fairly simple fix.
So now I've got that done I have no excuse to not move onto the MySQL part of this endevour. I'm going to the comic shop with Tim on friday, so I have two days and ten hours to get this thing fully operational.
Wish. Me. Luck.
10 January, 2007 - 02:06Comments (View)
Ch-ch-ch-changes...
I've changed the title of this site to 'i wash daily' because I became concerned about people I know stumbling across this place and making assumptions. Not untrue assumptions, to be sure, but still...
I am almost done with the design side of the paradox website(just have to make everything center... which is proving difficult CSS) and then it's onto the php and mySQL side of things, for which I have bought a book.
Looking at the mySQL side of things, it looks like I am going to have to change this site to mySQL too, because it's a much better system for achiving data than what I have set up. So that should be a fun little project once the paradox site is done.
If anyone reading is anxious to see what I have of the paradox site so far... you're out of luck. I don't like people to see things until they're done, and since the site is just a shell I'd feel like people judge it harshly. Suffice to say that it looks cool, and will kick arse.
I realised earlier(and this isn't the first time, but it's one of those things that hits you know and then) how lucky I am to have been born with a brain like a sponge that can soak up information. Granted, I didn't use my brain at all in the past four years, but I'm glad I'm only an idiot by choice, not circumstance.
09 January, 2007 - 02:05Comments (View)
What shakes the elephant?
So I've been thinking about destiny, free will and determinism and the idea of fate. These are literally the only four words I can remember from my entire two years in sixth form. Yes.
Someone recently said to me that everything that happens to me is a direct consequence of my choices, which is, for the most part, true. I mean, I can't suffer through an earthquake and think "well, I've gone and done it again", but the normal, everyday stuff is down to me.
The thing is, though, that I(along with everything else in the universe) am a direct result of everything that has happened before my existence. The big bang, the formation of elements and compounds from base molecules, evolution, the formation of how the human brain works. Everything that has happened so far in history has been the result of logical, scientifically measurable steps.
So how can all that have happened, not by chance, but by the very opposite of chance, how can all that have happened and yet we can suddenly say that I am responsible for all my choices and actions?
We can't. If anything, every single event so far in the universe, as a consequence of the law of cause and effect, action and reaction, is responsible for my actions.
To be honest, that both takes the pressure off somewhat whilst at the same time crushing my spirit immensely.
08 January, 2007 - 02:04Comments (View)
Ugh
I absolutely crashed last night. I put off my 11pm nap by 40 minutes or so because I was watching the end of 'Accepted' on the 'net and texting someone, and by the time I had my nap my body had decided I had to pay.
I set my twenty minutes of white noise going and settled down. After about ten minutes I got to sleep(I haven't settled into being able to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow yet) and once I woke up to the alarm(a cheesy cock-a-doodle-do!) my groggy mind told me I deserved more time and I shut the alarm off. Cue me waking up this morning at 7am.
Sometimes I piss myself off monumentally.
In other news, I've been working all day on the Paradox website. I've once again gone for blue, because I am gay for the colour blue. Since I'm doing this without Andy(the owner of Paradox)'s knowledge, I've given myself carte blanche to make it how I want. If Andy ends up liking the site and wants to use it, I'll happily make any design changes he wants.
I'm having great fun making this site, it's proving a real challenge. And it looks pretty.
07 January, 2007 - 02:03Comments (View)
So, despite what I said earlier...
I may not begin working on a new design for this site just yet. I've been thinking about creating a better site for my local comic shop(their current one is an endless stream of tables and has no style) for some time now, and I've decided to do it now, whilst I retain some inkling of how to create a site using PHP.
I have finished uploading all the old posts to the archive. There aren't that many, although the ones that there are do span back three years. I have edited a couple to remove the most graphic/embarrassing content. Otherwise, they are as they were.
06 January, 2007 - 02:03Comments (View)
Lots of coding today.
I've been slowly but surely starting to integrate all of my old blog posts from other site's into this site's system. To do so I had to change a few things in my posting script, and copy and paste several hundred documents.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing this, because most of my early blog posts really embarrass me. They are often filled with hateful rants against people I barely knew, and had a bizarre obsession with sex and swear words.
I hope that by keeping those archives alive I can both appreciate the past and keep my distance from it. I like to think that I've change a lot in the past two and a half years. Although the title of this website would indicate otherwise.
Once I've finished importing all the old stuff, I think I'm going to get around to a new site design. This one sucks, in my opinion. Too many stars, and the blue is depressing. Once that's done I'm going to try and get an RSS feed up... but those things confuse me at the moment.
06 January, 2007 - 02:02Comments (View)
Like... oh my God!
The O.C. has been cancelled. It's a decision that makes me angry, certainly, especially since the latest season has been the best so far(the 'loss' of Mischa Barton certainly helping in that respect.)
What makes me more angry, however, is the fact that this was reported as a news item on the radio. What the hell? When I listen to the news I expect to be told about important things, like wars or the weather or how the government is screwing us out of our pensions.
If I want to know about a show not being on tv anymore, I can check somewhere dedicated to that type of information. I don't log onto TV.com expecting it to tell me about embryo research(unless 'Embryo Research' is a new HBO show. That I would totally watch, BTW) and I don't listen to news bulleteins to be informed about Fox's new spring schedule.
05 January, 2007 - 01:59Comments (View)
I am not good at coding.
At least one and a half hours of my morning have so far been devoted to trying to understand why my head.txt file was not differentiating between 'olive' and 'blue'. I tried everything. Literally. I tried every single thing in the universe to resolve this probelm. I even did that crappy move from Superman II where he throws a giant cellophane 'S' at the problem.
That one actually seemed to help for a while.
In the final analysis, though, it turned out that the reason nothing had been coming up trumps was because I missed one of the '=' in my IF statements. One. Sodding. Stupid. Little. ASCII. Character. I wasted an hour and a half.
And people ask me why I'm doing this "stupid polyphasic thing".
05 January, 2007 - 01:58Comments (View)
There are a lot of parentheses in this post.
I've spent the past two days worrying about this stupid displaying of my blog entries problem. If you haven't been to the archive then you won't know that, until recently, the newest posts I made were being displayed last, while the oldest posts I made started up top.
For me, this is not a problem since I have always been infuriated by sites such as (the appropriately named)Blogger.com always displaying the most recent post first, even when browsing through the archives, which becomes annoying if you are new to a blog and are trying to read every post in chronological order. You have to start every new page by scrolling down to the bottom and then gradually scroll up, careful not to miss the start of the next entry.
With my prefered system, with oldest posts at the top, you can just read through by pressing 'space' every time you get to the end of the 'page'(that is, not the entire page, but the part of the page you can see). I felt so strongly about this that when my friend Ian was in charge of my(and his) blog(his was much more awesome) I asked him to put an option in to allow readers(not that I had any) to be able to switch the order around.
He did it so well that I will be blatantly stealing it for this site as well(not that I'll be taking the code directly from his scripts, because it is light-years ahead of me. No, I'll be writing my own, dumbed-down version from scratch) once I have the contact page finally done(I've been asking readers to contact me using that page for a few days now, a somewhat impossible task... good thing I don't have any readers!).
Oh, I did fix the 'problem', so now the entries flow just like they would on any well-put-together blog. That's right - I have only the illusion of order.
04 January, 2007 - 01:58Comments (View)
3.141596535....
I've been trying to learn the first sixty digits of pi recently, along with all sixty-six books of the Bible. Did you know there were sixty-six books of the bible?
Now, don't get me wrong, I am in no way a Christian, or any kind of theist. I believe that the idea of God is illogical and cowardly. If that offends you, then good, because it means you're not so far gone that a small part of you can't see the truth in that statement. It's the fundamentalists who say 'Well, God believes in you!' and then smile stupidly that are really scary, because they've shut themselves down to thought.
So why, you ask, am I learning all the books of the Bible if I don't believe in it? Well, it's mainly so that I can argue better with Christians, whilst trying to convince them that they've made the wrong choice. It's really difficult to make a convincing argument if you don't know the facts.
Some would ask me if it's really my place to go around offering Christians 'red pills'. But if I see someone living their life by a set of arbritrary rules laid down thousands of years ago by archaic patriarchal societies and fooling themselves that there's a 'better life' ahead when they should be making the most of this one, is it not my responsibility to do what I can to shake them out of their madness?
That last question is rhetorical, because the answer is 'yes'.
03 January, 2007 - 01:01Comments (View)
Dead men tell no tales
The video footage of Saddam Hussein's final moments is appearing in the expected places and I, for some reason, felt obliged to watch it.
I don't know if it's the comics I read, or the films and tv shows I watch, but for whatever reason, I was really expecting some dramatic last minute event to happen- like Hussein throwing off his coat and launching through the roof on a jet pack or throwing down a smoke capsule and dissapearing in the confusion. Of course, that didn't happen, and he died.
I know that he did a lot of terrible things as (unjust)ruler of Iraq. I know that he is responsible for the deaths of thousands, if not millions. But I still feel... freaked out by him dying.
It's like when Princess Diana died. I'd never cared for her, and couldn't give two hoots whether she was around or not, usually. For some reason, though, after she died, I'd catch myself suddenly remembering every few months and being shocked. "Oh yeah... she's dead."
This, I guess, is a really long winded way for me to say that life sucks. And death sucks. It's just ... it's really crap that people have to die. I know that that seems such a childish thing to say, but I think sometimes I need to remind myself that death happens.
I promise not such a morbid post tomorrow. Maybe something about rent troubles?
02 January, 2007 - 00:56Comments (View)
So this is the New Year
I am becoming increasingly annoyed with the text messages I am recieving that, in addition to wishing me a Happy New Year, also pertain to hope 'your dreams come true' or 'everything you want for this year takes place'.
This is ridiculous. What type of pathetic society are we that the ticking over of a single second on a clock suddenly indicates that everything has become different, and we've been given the chance of a blank slate. Suddenly life can be different because our numerical labeling system for time has increased by one sodding digit?
Things are exactly the same for me today as they were yesterday, except I'm wearing different clothes and I'm a little hungrier. Just because it's a "New Year" doesn't mean some massive monumental shift has taken place!
In other news, all entries from december(that's two, count 'em, two , folks) have been moved to the 'archive' section of the site. That isn't because I think 2007 is a different beast from 2006, or because that those two entries represent an 'old me' that I feel this new year has made redundant. The reason those entries have been moved is because I have to organise everything somehow, and sorting things by months seems an established and perfectly fine way of doing so.
I would rather have a system that put an even number of days inside the month, mind you. It always feels like February is somehow 'inferior' to January for having less days. All things should be equal, damnit. Still, if I were to make my own date system and use that for organising the archives, no one would know what anything meant, and would make this site hard to use(although thinking about it, I do like the idea of months and days having names that were palindromes. Right. You can probably expect to log on someday and see I've entirely mixed up the 'archives' with weird words. Fantastic.)
01 January, 2007 - 00:52Comments (View)